I broke that promise. For the last 2 days, I have been lying on my couch crying.
I’m not proud of myself, but this is how I deal with disappointments in my life. I cry.
Crying lets the sad out!
I was crying for my country, my world, my humanity. I was crying not only for those who died but for all the destructiveness on social media. For all the lies that are told, the money-grabbing and false information. For the nastiness of people toward each other in this time when ignorance should be forgiven and people educated instead. I cried for the fear in so many heartfelt posts on social media. For those leaders of the world who have such a huge responsibility. For the doctors and nurses and everyone risking their lives and giving up their families for the people. I cried for those dying alone and for my family so far away.
I cried for the sheer horror of what our world is going through. For the families who have nothing and their pitiful pleas for help. For all the families who are separated through circumstance. Animals abandoned through fear and those in shelters.
I cried for the ignorance, the fear-mongering and the wickedness of so many. I cried for my husband and his sense of helplessness, and my own. For my little business that is standing still and my bank balance that’s plummeting.
We are all feeling this right now, all in different degrees, but we are sad, angry and frustrated. It feels like I am holding my breath. Like I am waiting for this plague that is slowly creeping in; gathering momentum as it sweeps over the continents.
My son is a drug counsellor. Last night he told me over our video call that we need to pray to God to help us to change the things we can, and accept the things that we can’t. Of course, he is right.
I won’t beat myself up over the two missed days, I will make it up. I can now.
I have also decided to make some changes. As we go into this lockdown, we cannot become couch potatoes. We will get fat and lazy. I need to keep busy. I need a timetable and I need to stick to it. It may include a nap time because I can. I need to look after myself and not stress.
I am grateful that I can spend more time drawing, painting and possibly blogging like this. I want to encourage everyone reading this that now is the time to learn a new skill. Do some art. It’s ok if it’s bad, just do it for you. You don’t have to share it if you are shy. It’s not about that. Just remember to do it to the best of your ability. If you fail, that’s okay too. Just try again. Don’t give up. If it’s your best, then it is good enough.
Make the most of this time and discover something about yourself that you never knew. It is time for the world to take a breath and to lockdown. It’s time to reflect inwards and give thanks for what we have.
My April theme is to create Art of Appreciation. Let it be a month of gratitude. Gratitude for all we have to be grateful for right now in our lives.
I will miss seeing my children. My grandchildren whom I know and those I have not yet met and my children whom I usually see and those I don’t. But I will paint them because I love them and I am grateful for them. Every little painting or drawing allows me to think of them and whisper prayers and blessings over them while I do so.
I will paint the beautiful world that I hope to see again in its beautiful glory. I will paint the people whom I love and my beautiful animals who keep me happy and who love me even when I am not the best person to be around.
I am grateful for the time I can spend in my home surrounded by the things I love. For my studio and my art supply, and mostly for this passion for art that gives me a reason to wake up every day.
I will connect on social media once a day only. Turn off the news and turn on my music. I will fill my home with warmth and love and create my own happiness. I will dance when I can, play my piano and play with my dogs. I will work with my husband on our veggie garden and spend time talking.
We can do this artist! Cry if you need to, but find a reason to laugh too. Be kind to yourself and others and we will all get through this. Let’s connect through our art and share our experiences. Encourage those of us who are down and accept encouragement when you hit the lows on this roller-coaster ride. Think of the awesome portfolio of work you could have when this is all over!